All the Pinkberry he can eat.

I’m sure, by now, you are aware that Manuel Esteban (I just made that up) Ramirez is taking his vaudeville act / hitting clinic on the road to El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los ángeles Del Río de Porciúncula(don’t know why they shortened that, it just rolls off the tongue). Of course, my east-coast sports blog bias instantly turns ManRam (“the only player nickname too blunt to be the name of a gay bar”)* from an entertaining, deceptively hard working man-child whose style is admirable to even a non-fan (anti-fan) of the team, to a non-entity whose exploits don’t occur until 11:00 PM Eastern. Unfortunately, by 10-10:30, my interests have changed, like the werewolf, from the childish antics of millionaires to my pursuit of - and eventual rejection by - hot, hot ladies.

I don’t think Manny is ready for the ugly realities of playing baseball in the city of the angels. Granted, the populace of LA is more likely to have a working knowledge of Español than the lilly-white denizens of Boston. Of course, that’s assuming his train of thought is less derailed in Spanish than English, which is not exactly guaranteed. Also, if he hopes to slap fives with a fan in the stands, he’ll have to do it before the end of the third inning, because that fan will by then have left to sell his screenplay, which can actually happen, ever. I think he’ll have no problem selling grills on e-bay though.

However, there are some great upsides to Manny’s move westward as well. As I’m sure some of you have heard Pat Summerall drunkenly and without shame or dignity note, "Boston is a sports town", and staggeringly forgiving of its players (Tom Brady would never get away with his “all toddler” diet in Denver). In LA, the “famous asshole” exemption extends beyond sports stars to anyone who’s been featured in a tabloid and can drunkenly wobble into the driver’s seat of a purple Escalade.

Imagine the new kinds of trouble we’re going to see Manny get into:
Manny driving the monster truck Grave Digger*** over Chavez Ravine; Manny optioning the scripts for “Johnny Mnemonic II and III” in left field; (Ed. Note - JM is still just an awful but hilarious movie. Where else could you watch Keanu, Dolph Lundgren and Ice-T together?) Manny trying not to OD in Johnny Depp’s arms outside the Viper Room; Manny showing up at Angels Stadium in home reds all confused. The possibilities are endless, just as long as they're featured on SportsCenter the next day.

*actually, I guess that goes for “The Big Unit” too**
** but I would definitely go to a gay bar called “Crime Dog”
*** As we all know, Bigfoot is for pussies