Saturday, October 4, 2008

James' Week 5 Picks

We're at about a quarter way through the season. Four weeks have gone by, and they have been some of the most surprising and shocking weeks in recent NFL history. If you told me the Bills and Titans would be the first teams to 4-0, I'd think you were crazy. Not so much on the Bills, but definitely the Titans. Let me reference my league in which I'm 1-3, and I made some predictions prior to the season starting. This is a link to my league in case you don't believe me (and/or want to follow my Colts-like comeback from a poor start).

Julius Jones will have the best season of his career in the absence of the Seahawks entire receiving corps. I'm not doing so poorly on this prediction as of now. Most people who drafted Julius Jones did so after sighing and saying to themselves "Well, it's either this guy or Ahman Green...". I snagged Julius in the 10th round and so far don't regret it one bit. He's been one of the few guys that's been solid every game for me. We'll see if he can keep this up with the return of Bobby Engram and Deion Branch.

Jonathan Stewart and Chris Johnson will be more impressive than Darren McFadden and Rashard Mendenhall. I was hoping desperately that McFadden would have a poor season after he became part of the Al Davis regime. I have no problem with the players on the Raiders, but I will never want Al Davis to EVER be right. Mendenhall was getting an unbelievable amount of hype, but we'll have to wait til next season to see if they're right. Jonathan Stewart and Chris Johnson have both taken over the role of featured back on their teams, and aside from Matt Forte, are the most impressive rookie backs this season.

Someone will pick up Joey Harrington. They won't want to, but they will. The Saints signed him, cut him, and signed him again. In the event that Drew Brees and Mark Brunell go down, the Saints can rest assured that OH GOD JOEY HARRINGTON IS OUR QUARTERBACK. I can only hope it never comes to that.


Later in the season, Steve Slaton for Clinton Portis will seem like a reasonable trade. Not a reasonable trade as of yet, but Slaton has been off to a great start since the inevitable Ahman Green shit-the-bed show. Why the Texans didn't make Slaton their starter from the beginning is beyond me, but he's looking like he'll be pretty diesel.

Brady will have his worst season on record. You will wish you had drafted JT O'Sullivan over Brady when it's all over. This was more about O'Sullivan being a great quarterback than Brady having a bad season, but regardless, I was very right about this one.

The Colts will lose one of their first 4 games. They've lost 2, so I was right twice. Dammit.

Anyway, to combat Adam-Man's more than likely egregious picks, here's who I'm taking this Sunday/Monday.

Chicago at Detroit
Does this game really even matter? Does the season matter anymore for Lions fans? Matt Millen's gone, so they got the next best thing to winning a Super Bowl. I've never been as happy for a team that I cared nothing about as I was for Detroit once the Millen era ended. I think this, added on to Chicago's top receiver Brandon Lloyd being out gives the Lions the edge they need to win their first game of the season. I thought Detroit would be a hell of a lot better than they were this season, so with Millen out, it's time to start acting it.
Lions win 35-17


Atlanta at Green Bay
The Falcons have surprised me. I thought they were going to be a bottom 3 team, but it looks like they might come out with a semi-respectable record for the problems they've dealt with in past years. Matty Heisman might not be putting up huge numbers yet, and Michael Turner might be a bit streaky, but they might pull together 6 or 7 wins this season. Still, even with Rodgers a game time decision, I see Green Bay taking this one.
Packers win 17-10

San Diego at Miami
What's interesting about the Chargers this season is that they're a botched call and an amazing last second play away from being undefeated right now. Instead, Hochuli's boo-boo and Delhomme to Rosario have put them at 2-2. Ronnie Brown gave the Fins a huge win over New England two weeks ago, and they've had an extra week to bask in that glory. However, that game was won very much on the element of surprise, and the Dolphins won't surprise San Diego this week. The Chargers are a much better team than the Patriots and will win this game.
Chargers win 38-13

Seattle at New York Giants
This will be an interesting matchup to say the least. Hasselbeck gets two of his weapons back this week, but has to go up against a Giants defense that won't give him much time to throw to Engram or Branch. There's still plenty of people out there who don't believe in the Giants. Going into the season, it was expected they wouldn't be close to the same team they were in their Super Bowl run. This game will silence doubters if they can improve to 4-0 and have first place in the toughest division in football outright. I haven't even mentioned the 7 TD's Eli Manning's going to throw yet.
G-Men win 45-28

Washington at Philadelphia
I'm going to get tired of these great NFC East matchups week after week. Wait, no I won't. Anyone can win against anyone else, which is the beauty of this. The Giants beat the Skins, the Skins beat the Cowboys, the Cowboys beat the Eagles. The only team without a divisional win here is Philly, but Westbrook practiced this week, and they'll take this must-win game to stay on track in the division.
Eagles win 21-18

Kansas City at Carolina
This is why I love football this season. Granted, there's a better chance of Al Davis admitting he was wrong and that Lane Kiffin was a good coach than the Chiefs/Panthers being shown in Boston, but this game actually excites me. The Broncos didn't bring their best game last week, that's true, but the Chiefs downright outplayed them. Larry Johnson reemerged as a serious running threat, and Damon Huard seems like a much less awful option as their interim QB than I initially thought. Carolina needs this win to go 4-1 and guarantee a worst-case scenario of a tie with Tampa Bay for the NFC South. I see this being an exciting game, but the Chiefs will come out surprise victors against two very solid teams in a row.
Chiefs win 28-25

Tennessee at Baltimore
Here's two teams that play hard nosed football, but in very different ways. The defenses for the Ravens and Titans are scary good, and if I were Jeff Fisher, I'd be giving Lendale White more carries than Chris Johnson this game (for fear that Chris Johnson will get injured and be useless for my fantasy team). Kerry Collins has been getting the job done on offense, and Albert Haynesworth's 5 sacks haven't been hurting their defense too much. Still, I don't see Tennessee going 5-0. Baltimore's got a lot of things to like about them this season and they're going to come out on top and win this won.
Ravens win 14-10

Indianapolis at Houston
I'm telling you this right now, Indy will not lose this game. It's hard being a diehard fan of a team, analyzing every starter, every backup, every guy on the practice squad, and trying to figure out for yourself why the equation isn't working. A lot of people have said "The Colts just aren't that good this year". I was watching the Colts/Chiefs wild card playoff from 2006 when they won it all, and focused on how the league's worst rush defense turned themselves around to absolutely shut down the Kansas City running game. How did they do it? Guys like Cato June, Jason David, Nick Harper and Booger McFarland were certainly factors, and having a Tarik Glenn as opposed to a Tony Ugoh watching Manning's blind side sure helped them on offense, but football is a game of adjustments.
These first 3 games, Indy's offensive line's timing was off, their defense was playing like a finesse team instead of the rabid gang tackling defense that won a Super Bowl, and they definitely didn't look like the Colts teams of year's past. That's too be expected. Early injuries that force rookies to play out of position will do that, but Howard Mudd is one of the best offensive line coaches in the game, and now that they're healthier and back to normal, the Colts can get back to their old winning selves.
The Texans are 0-3, but might have found a key ingredient in stepping up their offense in Steve Slaton. Matt Schaub performs well when his job is on the line, and the Texans have lost to some solid teams (Pittsburgh, Tennessee, and a revamped Jacksonville team). This will be the fourth 2007 playoff team Houston gets before their schedule eases up a bit. Still, I'm going with Peyton and my boys. This week and next week are must wins, and the best quarterback in the history of the universe won't let his team slip to 1-3.
Colts win 38-14

Tampa Bay at Denver
The Bucs and Broncs face off in a matchup of two first place teams. Denver's offense has exploded this season, but their defense has a lot left to be desired. In just three games, Brandon Marshall has put himself up with the likes of Terrell Owens, Randy Moss and Reggie Wayne. If Marshall can stay out of trouble, he's going to be the name that people compare the next great receiver to someday. Tampa Bay is lacking in star power, but they are a great team. Love him or hate him, Gruden's done a great job with what he's got this season, and Tampa Bay might be one of those teams that quietly slips into the playoffs once again. Typically, the matchups you're looking forward to (in this case, Denver's offense against Tampa's defense) never end up being half as exciting as the matchup you weren't expecting, so I'm thinking this game will come down to how Denver can stop Brian Griese. The thing is, I don't think they will. I think Graham will punish them down the middle, and the Bucs will take away a big win in Colorado.
Buccaneers win 27-21

Cincinnati at Dallas
Listen, the Bengals suck. They're one of 3 teams playing this week without a win, and going up against the Cowboys won't make things any easier. Chad Javon Ocho Sucksreallyhard-o (I figured Ocho Stinko is getting worn out) better get his popcorn ready, because I've got a feeling Terrell Owens has a touchdown dance he's been saving for a while now. Also expect Jason Witten to be at the 50 yard line in the case 85 actually scores a touchdown, so that when he kisses the star, it'll be his last move of the season. Yeah, Ocho Cinco says it's "out of respect", but I buy that less than I would buy a Travis Henry plea of "I thought it was sugar".
Cowboys win somewhere around a billion - 2

Buffalo at Arizona
The unbeaten Bills (my third favorite team, by the way) travel a long way for this one. The Cards have to be tired still from their east coast trip, but they've also got to be happy to play at home on Sunday. Kurt Warner and the defense's suck-fest last weekend is something they want to get past, and they know that Buffalo's won their games by the skin of their teeth so far. You wonder if the Bills can go into their bye week 5-0, which would be absolutely huge for that organization. This will be their biggest test of the season. The Seahawks were still trying to figure out who was playing where during week 1 when they beat them, and the Jags didn't bring an offensive line to the game week 2, and Oakland and St. Louis made what should have been blowouts close games. Buffalo can't afford to bring the game to another fourth quarter comeback, so this game will be over one way or the other by midway through the third quarter or earlier. I'm rooting for the Bills to win this, but even without Anquan Boldin, I think the Cards will pull away with this one.
Cardinals win 20-10

New England at San Francisco
It's interesting to see this quarterback matchup. Preseason expectations would have been for a lousy team led by Alex Smith to get beat up by Tom Brady and the Patriots. This is football though, and J.T. O'Sullivan has a confident team looking to get some respect. The Patriots still look like they're trying to figure out what to do in the absence of Brady. Their defense straight out of the geriatric ward isn't helping things either. San Fran's defense is solid, and while they're far from great just yet, they should hold the Patriots back from playing like the Patriots are used to playing.
49ers win 30-23

Pittsburgh at Jacksonville
You've got a banged up Steelers team who after week 1 were touted as the best looking team at a first glance. Then you've got an even more banged up Jaguars team who looked like they had no hope for the season after losses in weeks 1 and 2. The past couple games have made Pittsburgh look a lot less powerful and Jacksonville a lot better gelled. The makeshift offensive line was able to make Indy's defense look like a joke. They were able to pull off an overtime victory in Houston, and they're going to save their season by winning their third game in a row against the overrated Steelers.
Jaguars win 27-10

Minnesota at New Orleans
I don't know what happened to the Vikings, but it's not good. Yeah, they've lost to Tennesse and Green Bay, both contenders this season, and if they could have come through with just one touchdown against Indy they would have pulled away with the victory, but they just don't look like the Minnesota team that had such high hopes. On the plus side, Frerotte has thrown for over 200 yards per game, where Jackson missed that mark during his first two starts. If Frerotte can get the Vikings' offense jump started, Minnesota's got a shot. However, New Orleans has a high powered offense with a cannon behind center. If they can get more than 20 points on the board, the Vikes haven't scored more than 20 all season.
Saints win 34-17

Friday, October 3, 2008

Adam Man's Week 5 NFL Preview


Holy crap... it's week 5 already? Seriously? The season sure flies by fast. It's also getting to the point where I'm looking at a Denver/Tampa game and pooping my pants at the thought of predicting it. I seriously looked at the sheet for my office pool early this week and there were 2 and a half picks I felt comfortable picking... and one was the result of blatant homerism. Last week I managed to go 8-5 (counting my pick of Pittsburgh in my office pool, even though I didn't post it here). Considering almost nobody saw Kansas City, Chicago, or Washington coming, I guess I shouldn't feel too bad. Seriously Denver... Kansas City? Shameful. Anyway, let's get on with it:

NFL Headline of the Week:
"Travis Henry arrested following alleged coke deal"
Sadly, there was no mention of how many illegitimate children Henry sired during the bust.

Runner Up:
"FedEx Field must give deaf patrons 'aural content'"
I know I could always use some more oral content. What's that? Oh right, THAT spelling. Apparently the Redskins are expected to hand out lyric sheets to the music played in the stadium. An excerpt: "T-T-T-TOTALLY DUUUUDE"

2nd Runner Up:
"Report: Cowboys tell 'Pacman' to keep low profile"
This fits nicely into our "least surprising headline" category. It's pretty bad when your boss asks you to lay low even when you haven't done anything.

Week 5 Picks

Bears @ Lions (+4)
The Bears are coming off a huge win against the Eagles, one that legitimizes them as a team to respect this season. But the Lions are coming off an even bigger win. They've finally cut ties with Matt Millen. The dark cloud over Detroit has been lifted! And the sun shines through to reveal Rudi Johnson as their new starting RB! RUDI! RUDI! RUDI! Meanwhile, Kyle "Neck Beard" Orton is still the Bear's QB, and that's never a good thing.
Prediction: Lions, 27-24
Fantasy Love: Matt Forte, John Kitna, Charles Johnson
Fantasy Hate: Neck Beard, Rudi Johnson (Bears run D is GOOD)

Falcons @ Green Bay (-5)
It looks like I might have gotten off the Aaron Rodgers bus just in time. Separated shoulders are never good when your job is to throw stuff really far. Still, he's a tough kid and actually threw a long bomb for a touchdown AFTER the injury last week. Atlanta is doing all the right things to grow as a team, but if Rodgers plays, it just won't be enough. If he's out... I have no faith in Matt Flynn, based on the track record of other LSU QB's.
Prediction: Green Bay, 27-13
Fantasy Love: Ryan Grant, Greg Jennings, Michael Turner
Fantasy Hate: Matt Ryan, Aaron Rodgers, Mike Jenkins

Chargers @ Dolphins (+6)
This game scares me a bit... since the Chargers SHOULD win. Miami is coming off the bye after demolishing the Pats, who nobody gave them a chance against. San Diego is a bit banged up and have had some bad luck in weird games this year. Everyone who's watched Tomlinson play say he's not the same guy with his injury, and the game is a homer for Miami. Checking... checking... nope. Still not enough to take the Fins.
Prediction: Chargers, 23-17
Fantasy Love: Tomlinson, Philip Rivers, Ronnie Brown
Fantasy Hate: Ricky Williams, Tedd Ginn Jr.

Seahawks @ Giants (-6)
That squeal of joy you heard last week? That was Matt Hasselbeck when somebody told him Deion Branch and Bobby Engram should be playing this week. The fact that he won't have to rely on Billy McMullen and Courtney Taylor and some dude named Bumpus is sweet music to his years. The Giants, meanwhile, will play without their talented #1 receiver, because he punched Tom Coughlin's dog or something. This seems like the classic setup for an upset this season, plus I want all teams to get a loss by week 7 so we don't have to ever see Mercury Morris again.
Prediction: Seattle, 24-21
Fantasy Love: Matt Hasselbeck, Brandon Jacobs, Amani Toomer, Julius Jones
Fantasy Hate: Eli Manning, Bobby Engram, TJ Duckett

Redskins @ Eagles (EVEN)
Just last week I said Washington was this year's version of the Giants last year. Well, not anymore. After watching them push Dallas around and take them apart, I'm convinced that when Jason Campbell is on his game (which won't be EVERY week), this team has great potential. Couple that with Westbrook being injured if not out, and the Eagles' patchwork receiving corps struggling... and the NFC East just got even more interesting.
Prediction: Washington, 28-23
Fantasy Love: Matt Hasselbeck, Brandon Jacobs, Amani Toomer, Julius Jones
Fantasy Hate: Eli Manning, Bobby Engram, TJ Duckett

Chiefs @ Panthers (-8)
I'll give Larry Johnson credit... I thought he was dead in the water, and he showed us all just how bad the Denver run defense is. He won't have it so easy against the Panthers though, and things will go back to normal for KC. With their poor run-D, I could see DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart each getting 80+ yards and a TD.
Prediction: Panthers, 34-19
Fantasy Love: DeAngelo Williams, Jonathan Stewart, Dwayne Bowe
Fantasy Hate: Damon Huard, Larry Johnson, Steve Smith

Titans @ Ravens (+1.5)
The Ravens started the season off 2-0 against really bad teams, and I hadn't seen them play yet, so I assumed that they were who I thought they were. Well, after their strong showing on Monday night, I'm gonna let 'em off the hook. Joe Flacco is making mistakes, but he's also making plays, and that's what you get with a rookie at the helm. This game is going to decided on which Defense scores more, as they're two of the best in the league. I think the Titans will go far this year, but their unbeaten streak stops here
Prediction: Ravens, 16-13
Fantasy Love: Tennessee DEF, Baltimore DEF, Chris Johnson, Le'Ron McClain
Fantasy Hate: Derrick Mason, Willis McGahee, Kerry Collins, LenDale White

Colts @ Texans (+5)
It's getting more and more clear that to pick well this season, you need to pick upsets. This is another game that I feel will go that way. Houston is way better than their 0-3 record, and Indy just isn't the same team this season. Steve Slaton is going to run all over their pourus run-D, and the young Texans defense will force Peyton into some uncharacteristic mistakes. Watch out, the AFC South is getting topsy-turvy.
Prediction: Houston, 21-17
Fantasy Love: Steve Slaton, Andre Johnson, Matt Schaub, Joseph Addai
Fantasy Hate: Marvin Harrison, Peyton Manning

Buccaneers @ Broncos (-3)
I feel that the embarrassment of last week's loss and the home crowd behind them will be enough to push Denver on top here. It also helps that Tampa's pass D is nothing to get excited about. I see a big game for Brandon Marshall, back up in double-digit receptions.
Prediction: Denver, 31-20
Fantasy Love: Baby T.O., Jay Cutler, Earnest Graham, Warrick Dunn,
Fantasy Hate: Eddie Royal, Antonio Bryant, Selvin Young

Bengals @ Cowboys (-11)
The same formula as Denver holds here. The Bengals will either have a hurt Carson Palmer or a healthy Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB, and either way the Dallas DEF is excited. Facing one of the worst run D's in the NFL, MBIII and Felix Jones should both have a field day, though Cincy's pass D has actually played well, and I'd expect more check-downs to Witten than bombs to TO this week. That should go over well.
Prediction: Cowboys, 34-17
Fantasy Love: MBIII, Felix Jones, Jason Witten, Chad Ocho Cinco (I'm callin it!)
Fantasy Hate: Carson Palmer, Chris Perry, Terrell Owens

Bills @ Cardinals (+3.5)
Here's probably the easiest game to convince yourself to pick an upset on... but I'm not biting. The Bills finally have a balanced offense, and their defense clamps down on the pass. With Boldin still full of cobwebs, I don't think the Cards break through here. They'll run the ball well enough to keep it close though. This feels like a good time to mention I'm starting both Lee Evans and Josh Reed on the same fantasy team.
Prediction: Bills, 24-20
Fantasy Love: Trent Edwards, Lee Evans, Marshawn Lynch, Edgerrin James, Larry Fitzgerald
Fantasy Hate: Anquan Boldin, Josh Reed

Patriots @ 49ers (+6)
Despite what I saw two weeks ago, I still have confidence in the Pats coaching staff. With two weeks to stare down San Fran, I gotta believe they've come up with a way to move the ball in this game. My prediction? Lots of Lo-Mo. He was injured for a while and hasn't done much this year... just enough so you forget about him. But I think he's perfect for this game, with a balance of deep throws to Moss. It's important that they start testing Cassel's arm and get Moss into the game. Two more weeks of short outs sailing over his head, and you can kiss Randy the Teammate goodbye. You can already see it in his eyes. New England pulls it out because they have to... and because I can't wrap my brain around "San Francisco: 3-1"
Prediction: Patriots, 27-20
Fantasy Love: Lo-Mo, Randy Moss, Frank Gore, Bryant Johnson
Fantasy Hate: Isaac Bruce, Sammy Morris, J.T. O'Sullivan

Steelers @ Jaguars (EVEN)
The Steelers came across as very vulnerable after Monday's game against Baltimore. Now that their offense hinges on the performance of Mewelde Moore, and they face a much better offense, we might reach a breaking point. To Pittsburgh's credit, their aggressive defense won that game, but I see them falling in a close one here with Jax's running game finding a way to control the clock.
Prediction: Jaguars, 20-17
Fantasy Love: Fred Taylor, Mo-Jo Drew, Santonio Holmes
Fantasy Hate: Mewelde Moore, Ben Roethlisberger

Vikings @ Saints (-3.5)
Don't take anything away from the Vikings progress for losing last week, that's a very good Titans team that beat them. So good in fact that they're capable of giving Guss Frerrotte stigmata. The Saints have played well considering their injured offensive starters, but I see that finally catching up with them this week against a quality defense. Adrian Peterson is finally off the injury report, and I see him having a big game here, both rushing and receiving.
Prediction: Vikings, 31-21
Fantasy Love: Purple Jesus, Drew Brees, Bernard Berrian
Fantasy Hate: Lance Moore, Reggie Bush, Sidney Rice

Credibility Check
Last Week: 8-5
Season: 35-25
Predictions I Almost Nailed: Saints 31-28 (Actual: 31-17), Panthers 24-14 (Actual: 24-9), Bills 34-10 (Actual: 31-14)

Trick Luuuu Da Kiids


As Nobel Laureate Maurice "Trick Daddy" Young once said... "Trick Luuuu Da Kiids." Maurice's words were never as true as they were in Wednesday night's ALDS game between the Red Sox and Angels, as the pride of the Boston farm system was in full gear. Let's take a look at some of the key contributers for the Sox:

Jon Lester: 7 IP, 6 H, 1 BB, 7 K's, 1R, 0 ER
Justin Masterson: 1 IP, 2 H, 0 R
Jonathan Papelbon: 1 IP, 1 H, 3 K's, 0 R
Jacoby Ellsbury: 3/5, 1 R, 1 RBI, 2 SB
Kevin Youkilis: 1/4, 1 BB, 1 R
Jed Lowrie: 1/3, 1 R

I know what you're thinking... "Wow, the Sox sure love drafting players with J-names." That's true, but that's also 6 players who made big plays for Boston who were all drafted and brought up by the team. The fact that their home-grown MVP candidate Pedroia "The Destroyah" isn't even on that list makes it even more remarkable. Add in the defensive contributions of Ellsbury (sick diving catch) and Youkilis (Note to Vlad Guerrero: 1st to 3rd rule does not apply to you), and that every pitch in the game was thrown (and thrown effectively) by home-grown talent... and you've got to admit that's pretty damn impressive.

Yes, the home run by Jason Bay was definitely the big play of the game, and he continues to play as well as he needed to in filling Manny's old spot. It's just nice to see a team have a solid foundation to bring up key contributers when needed, and then see those players thrive. This is the point where Yankees fans slam their heads against their desks.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Brett Myers: Unbelievable

If you, like most everyone I know except a few Phillies fans who are friends of mine, aren't watching the Brewers/Phillies game that's currently going on, you're definitely missing out on a spectacle. Myers right now is dominating Sabathia, not with his pitching (although giving up just 1 run in 4 innings so far ain't too bad), but with his at-bats.

Myers, a .069 batter for the season and maybe the most disappointing pitcher in baseball this first half, (Myers was 3-9 with a 5.84 ERA), has put up much more respectable numbers since being demoted to the minors in late June (7-4 and dropping his season ERA to 4.55). Tonight, he's accounted for 19 of the 98 pitches Sabatha threw in 3.2 innings in which he drew a walk and flew out, and is pitching a 1 run 1 hitter. Myers might have as much to do with the Phillies making the playoffs as the Mets inevitable self-destruction.

This still doesn't exonerate him from punching his wife in the face last year, but it definitely makes him one of my favorite stories of 2008.


You're still not off the hook for throwing a hook,
but you look damn good at the plate right now.

8:07 pm: I'm wondering if the announcers just read this, because I feel like they just said most of what I just wrote. At least we're on the same page.

10:14 pm: The Phils won, and they look dangerous right now. I can definitely see them making a World Series run.

They got in, now what?

I'm going to keep this short and sweet. I originally wanted to rip off Bill Simmons and do a running diary of Sox/Rays Game 1, but I was on the phone with the new temp agency I'm "working" for during the first two innings, so yeah. There's already been three home runs in the first three innings with three lead changes. In an effort to torture the entire Chicago fan base, Ozzie Guillen started a pitcher he publicly stated he had no confidence in, good ol' Mr. Big Game himself, Javier Vazquez. I think John Danks would probably pitch better coming off of the 8 inning gem against the Twins on Tuesday. They seriously won 1 - 0. I wholeheartedly feel like Chicago can beat the Rays but can they make it to the World Series again? I'll keep TBS on lockdown with Don Orsillo and Harold Reynolds(!) announcing the action. If only there was a tv feature that let you mute only the commercials. Anyway, in retrospect, my earlier Choke post might have been a bit harsh. At least I'm not a Mets fan...

Oh yeah, with all this baseball playoff and NFL talk, I haven't mentioned that NBA training camps have started this week. The Celtics are down in lovely Newport, RI (the only good part of the state) at Salve Regina college. I'm pretty sure with Sam Cassell resigning, they now have 4,877 players on the roster. And don't think for a second that just because they won the championship last season that I'm going to take it easy on Doc if Leon doesn't get on the court. The season starts in four weeks!!!
I gots me a game to watch, but here's one for the ladies:

I ran out of clean socks. Someone love me...

EDIT: My sources down in Newport contacted me late last night informing me that nearly the entire team was out clubbing. Daps were exchanged. So you might be reading articles elsewhere saying how KG along with Pierce and Ray Allen were the first ones at the gym on Tuesday, but they are handling their B.I. in da clubz too.

Baseball Playoff Predictions

So October finally rolled around, and just when everyone's had enough baseball for the season, we've got some more baseball. This time it's baseball that doesn't count, because it doesn't reflect our fantasy teams, but it's exciting nonetheless. Scott's White Sox snuck in, all the Red Sox fans here are happy, Billy's Mets sucked hard down the stretch as hoped and expected, and the Rays winning a World Series is finally a comfortable thought with everyone.
If you google search "Mets fan", these are the first four image results:


Sad Mets fan #1

Sad Mets fan #2
Naive Mets fan who doesn't realize that they're going to break
his heart just the same next season.

Billy.

So if the Mets are out, who's a lock to win it all? Right now there's a 50% chance the team will be from Los Angeles or Chicago (unless you take into account that the Dodgers are dog shit, in which case it's 37.5%). There's a 25% chance the team will have "Sox" in their name, an 87.5% chance Scott will be sad with the outcome, and an 8% chance Eli Manning will be named MVP. My picks for the divisional rounds:

American League
Tampa Bay defeats Chicago White Sox in 4 games.
I'm jumping all over the Artist Formerly Known as the Tampa Bay Devil Rays bandwagon for the postseason. Lots of feel-good aspects about the team, and they're playing like they want to win it. Chicago's got them in experience and expectations, but I think the Rays are going to grind out some wins against a White Sox team that barely squeezed into the postseason.

Boston defeats LA Angels in 3 games.
Sometimes story lines just feel like they have to work out. I see the Red Sox overpowering the Angels in the divisional series to set up an AL East Championship Series. The rivalry built among the two teams ought to make that an interesting series. It's like Boston's the old fighter who's paid their dues, and this crazy talented young guy named Ray wants to step into the ring. After a great regular season, it's still hard to see Tampa Bay as a team that's for real, and nothing will give them more credibility than delivering a KO to Boston in the ALCS. As long as my divisional predictions are correct, you can already guess my ALCS prediction.

Expect to see these two teams duking it out in the ALCS, but duking it out in the
figurative sense. I mean, they could duke it out in the literal sense, cause they do
it all the time, but I'm talking figurative here.


National League
Chicago Cubs defeat LA Dodgers in 3 games.
If I could change any rule in baseball, it would be this: If 3 or more teams in your league have better records than you but don't make it to the playoffs, your division is officially a joke and you must forfeit your playoff spot.
I started writing this blog before the game happened, so to be fair I'll stick with my prediction of a Chicago sweep. It looks like it won't happen now, but I think the Cubbies will still be able to handle the Dodgers. Also, who would have predicted EVER that one day Joe Torre would be Manny Ramirez's manager, and neither would be on the Red Sox or Yankees?
I was totally going to photoshop Predator's head onto Manny Ramirez, but this is way better.
Manny + Gilligan hat + college skanks + random guy pooping himself out of happiness = joy

Philadelphia defeats Milwaukee in 5 games.
I like the Phillies, but I think the Brewers will grind this one out. Both teams seem about equal in talent, but Philadelphia just sounds good to me. Ben Sheets is done and most of the players look like they're out of steam. The Phillies could be surprising force and as far as I'm concerned have as good a shot as anyone right now of winning it all.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

October 1st blind item round-up!

ITEM: Our sources say there's one cherubic coach who's on the outs with his ghoulish owner out on the west coast!





ITEM: The bullpen of a fan-favorite baseball team shit the bed (literally, poop all over the duvet!) over the weekend, according to an anonymous tipster, and will not be going to the big dance (again!). Sources indicate that the team may be fuming at their cross-town rival’s exposure as they both vacate their old homes for multi-million dollar villas.



ITEM: Our insiders say one big apple receiver is sitting out his team’s big game and that he’s a shithead who beats his wife, and he’s fucking up my fantasy week and I hope he dies (but not until week seventeen)!





ITEM: What Second City skipper has a potty mouth? Our man on the inside says both!






ITEM: Which grizzled gunslinger gunslang a personal best six touchdowns this weekend? I don’t know! It seems like the media refuses to talk about the guy!



Final Note: Sources say that one Monday Night pigskin analyst is surprisingly insufferable, and should stick to his day job, where he’s not infuriating!








Monday, September 29, 2008

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

See James. See James run. See James run all over Adam Man, Scrob, Kate, Bullock, and Billy in fantasy football. See James makes ridiculously lopsided trades and get away with them because he lacks ethics. See James lose his friends because of fantasy football. While I'm on my way to Buffalo Billsing it up at 4-0 with a season high 184.99 points (no doubt that will be shattered at some point), I thought it best to take this opportunity for a little early season gloating (which I like to call Patriotsing or Cowboysing it up).

Giving you a description of my top 10 favorite things in sports ever might be a good way to introduce myself, so without further ado, this is James' favorite sports things in the whole world.

1. Peyton Manning. If this were a top 10 list of my favorite things ever, Peyton would still be at the top and miles above the rest. Air? No. Water? No. Sex? No. Peyton sex? Yes.


I would say my love for Peyton Manning began somewhere around April 18, 1998. I was a diehard Colts fan coming off another awful season, and it was like God himself handed a starving man a lifetime supply of corned beef hash. We could have been handed roast beef hash (#2 pick Ryan Leaf), but the Colts had their eyes set on a legend. Watching Manning go from a shaky, potential filled rookie into irrefutably one of the 5 greatest quarterbacks of all time (and I will make an argument any day of the week that he's #1) was one of the most enjoyable experiences a football fan can have. Because of Peyton Manning, I'll often call audibles at random places, like when I'm ordering at a restaurant or deciding what to wear for the day.


2. Eli Manning. I will be the first to admit it, I am a Manning fanboy. I have good reason to be too. My dad was a Giants fan before I had ever been a Colts fan, and the first Super Bowl I ever watched was XXV, where the Bills (Parcells and Belichick) dismantled the Bills (Buffalo), managing to scrape out a victory even with Jeff Hostetler at the helm. Once I became a Colts fan very soon after, I still had a soft spot for the G-Men, and I root for them every week except once every four years when they face Indy.

Anyway, Eli. At this point last year, Eli was maybe #7 or #8 on the list. The regular season was coming to an end, and the Giants barely got beat by the Patriots. I'd contend the Pats got a giant PI call in their favor, but after the outcome of the Super Bowl, I'll let them have that game. The playoffs hadn't started, and I called Eli Manning as Super Bowl MVP. I got laughed at. The Giants rolled into Tampa Bay and made Gruden walk the plank. They went to Dallas and lassoed Romo and Owens. They flew up to Green Bay and did something awful to Favre involving meat packing. Then of course, Tyree, Plaxiglass, etc etc, and we come to this...

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get to #2 on my list.

3. UConn basketball/football. Short answer: I'm from Connecticut, and after the Whalers abandoned us for Carolina, we had minor league baseball and UConn basketball. A few decent players have come through UConn over the years, you may have heard of them. Guys like Ray Allen, Richard Hamilton, Caron Butler, Emeka Okafor, Cliff Robinson, and of course the two Marshalls: Boston Celtic great Donny Marshall and former Timberwolf/Warrior/Jazz-guy/Bull/Raptor/Cavalier/Supersonic and now 76er Donyell Marshall all got their start in Connecticut.

UConn football is quickly taking over as my Connecticut team though. With the best running back in college (Yes, I said best, and if you disagree, look at Donald Brown's stats), a gigantic and glorious new stadium, and Darius Butler, who has the same disregard for his body that Bob Sanders has (and barring major injuries will be a first rounder this year), UConn football is more exciting than it's ever been in its long, dismal history. They're finally a top 25 team, and Heisman talk for Brown is finally making its way out of Connecticut and into other parts of the country. During the course of the season, expect a lot of Donald Brown Heisman pimpage from this guy. Two games over 200 yards, only one game under 150 (146), and just a touchdown short of being the current NCAA leader. That's how UConn does it.

4. Chipper Jones. Barring the coaches' son or some other kid would get to pick their number before me, I always took #10 after my baseball hero, Larry Wayne Jones. I played 3rd base like him, cheated all over my wife with Hooters' waitresses like him, and tried to copy his batting stance as best I could. Yeah, I struck out most of the time, but at least I struck out like Chipper would've struck out. I'm not the avid Braves fan I once was, but I will always have love for L-Wayne Jones. By the way, despite being plagued by injuries this season, my man Chipper still managed to sneak away with the National League batting title. How did he celebrate? I'll give you one guess.


4. Tony Dungy. It's hard to find someone who doesn't like Tony Dungy. He's classy, cool-headed, and on top of it, one of the smartest coaches in the game. A friend bought me his book Quiet Strength to read, but I keep getting sidetracked. I feel ridiculous for having decided to start The Brothers Karamazov first and getting Dungy after. I could have been done with Quiet Strength already and still have the knowledge that it will be approximately six months before I finish off TBK.

Dungy is one of the few coaches in the NFL who really bring the fans into their personal life. The tragic suicide of his son was felt by many people outside of the Colts community, and his handling of it on his way to an eventual Super Bowl was a testament to his great character. The Colts, always a well respected organization, have done nothing but benefit tremendously while he's been head coach.

5. Tom Brady. Yeah, I said it. Manning-boy loves Tom Brady. The truth is, I love to hate him, and hate to love him. He's a spectacle, and has helped create the two best possible seasons of football I could ever imagine for a Manning fan. Tom Brady going down for the season was initially the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. I had dreamed of the exact scenario...first quarter, first game, Brady's leg snaps in half and he's out for the season. After the intial celebration, I quickly came to my senses. Reasons being:

a. Tom Brady, love him or hate him is another of the top 5 quarterbacks of all time, and another person you could make an argument for tops on the list. I regret being too young to see Johnny Unitas or Frank Tarkenton, so being able to watch Manning and Brady is as good if not better. Peyton always says that quarterback is the hardest position to play in any sport, but last season Tom Brady made it look unbelievably easy. He made the Patriots look like football's Harlem Globetrotters and everyone else (except of course, the Giants and Colts), look like...whoever the Globetrotters play. It was incredible.



b. The Colts/Patriots rivalry really isn't that great unless Brady is involved. The two greatest quarterbacks of this generation squaring off is one thing, but Manning taking on Brady's backup is another. Aside from the Super Bowl, this is typically the most important game of the season for me. I hate to say it, but Eli Manning against Tony Romo will never be quite the epic battle the Manning/Brady matchups are.

c. It's taken the Patriots fans out of this season already. Maybe this is good for Patriots fans, as it'll weed out some of the bandwagoners, or sunshine Patriots as I call them. Last year, you couldn't shut them up about how this is the greatest team ever assembled, and last week they not only began leaving in droves before the fourth quarter, but they booed the team. One of the most prolific dynasites EVER loses their first game in over a year, and you boo them? I know this isn't most Patriots fans, but for anyone who has anything remotely bad to say about their franchise's performance after the past few years the team's given them...please hand your jerseys, hats and koozies over to a fan who deserves it.

There are plenty more reasons similar to these, but if you're a real football fan, you know that something's missing without Brady.

7. Everything fantasy. I used to try to avoid fantasy sports, as I thought it was for nerds. Once I came to the realization that I was in fact, a nerd, I felt more comfortable letting fantasy sports turn into an obsession. I love fantasy football, baseball, basketball, hockey... I've even played fantasy golf. Something about looking like a bigger sports guru than your friends (even though the only reason you took half your players is because the guys you wanted who end up being flops got taken the pick before you) sparks my ego. All who know me know I have an undeservedly large ego, and there's no better way to boost it without merit than fantasy.

I just finished 2nd place in both baseball leagues I was in, one roto, one H2H. Right now in both football leagues (basically the same guys, different sport), I'm 4-0 and 1-3. I'm sure I'll focus on my good league, as there's much more room for bragging right now. I think Adam already brought up my Manning to Manning trade. I was offered Peyton, I had Eli, and couldn't resist. Now I'm trying to, against my better judgment, get Eli back for the All-Manning powerhouse. They would also be a good 1-2 combo in a fantasy DSRL league.

P.S, since I wrote this blog, my 1-3 team just got a small bailout. My main problem was my receiving corps. I had Colston out, Roy Williams underperforming, and Santana Moss was the only guy putting up points. I realized Bobby Engram was still a free agent and snagged him, and another guy decided to drop Santonio Holmes. I love panic moves, and I love having a good waiver spot to begin the season, so I picked up Holmes. He'll improve and be a very valuable receiver. Last year he looked streaky, but during those streaks he was diesel. So at this point, I've got Santana Moss solidifed in my starting lineup, with Holmes, Engram, Justin Gage, Eddie Royal all very valid options for next week. I hate to bench Gage with his solid play since Collins took over as QB, and Royal has been fingertips and a fumble away from being a top 3 receiver. I love these decisions.

8. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh. I heard some Olympic bloggers and writers and everyone else complaining that women's beach volleyball was overexposed this summer. I immediately boycotted them. I love May-Treanor and Walsh for the same reason every guy does; they're incredible athletes. They carry themselves with dignity, and show great sportsmanship. Just look at how close they are as a team.


Still don't feel me on them? Let's take a closer look at their team chemistry.

Ok, congratulations, you solved the mystery. I, like 90% of males, don't go to Hooters because I enjoy their wings, I don't tune in to the latest Pussycat Dolls video for their singing, and I don't watch women's volleyball for the athleticism. However, the difference here is: Hooters' wings suck, the Pussycat Dolls can't sing, but May-Treanor and Walsh are the most dominant duo in their sport. And I love me some booty.

9. Detroit Red Wings. I'm not so much a closet hockey fan as I don't talk about it because no one I know gives a rat's ass about hockey. I'm hoping I can start watching some non-Bruins game this season, as hockey has at least gotten a little bit more coverage each of the past couple seasons. Outdoor hockey is the way to go, real ice being flung down like golf balls definitely adds a different element to the sport.

So, being a Whalers fan, I had to go somewhere when they left. No way was I going to support them in Carolina, so I seceded. I had options...the Rangers, Bruins, Islanders, Sabres as far as teams in the area go. Instead though, I followed Brendan Shanahan to Detroit and settled there. Shanahan was barely a Whaler, and he wanted a trade after one season, but I figured the fact that we both had bad endings with Hartford meant I should be rooting for him. Anyone that loses a franchise knows how much that sucks.

The Wings had Shanahan, Yzerman, Federov, Osgood...all in their prime. Everyone knows those names, but no one knows Zetterberg, Rafalsky, Datsyuk or Cleary these days. Lots of great players. P.S. they also won the Stanley Cup. I bet at least one person reading this won't have known that.



10. Cooper Manning. You can't have both Peyton and Eli here and not think about what could have been. Imagine if Cooper had been as great at wide receiver as Peyton and Eli are at quarterback and made it on to the Colts or Giants? Manning to Manning touchdowns galore. Instead, a lingering spinal injury made Cooper the unsuccessful black sheep of the family. By unsuccessful, I mean that Cooper is just a partner at an energy research firm making an ass-ton of money.


Still, you can't help but wonder how great Cooper Manning could have been in the NFL. Cooper Manning, my blog posts are hereby dedicated to you and the greatness that almost was.