Friday, March 6, 2009

Friday Pic O' tha Week

This picture summarizes the futility of women's basketball and essentially women's sports altogether. I apologize to our legions of female fans if you are offended. Enjoy Watchmen everybody!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

When do you draft A-Rod now?

FANTASY BASEBALL ALERT!!!

Oh yes, it's that time of year. Spring training has just begun and invites to fantasy leagues are being sent out. The last of the free agents are signing and in a few short weeks, major league rosters will be finalized. But what about your roster? Those of you with the number one pick in your draft this year will have one less superstar to consider. As if being the center of yet another steroid scandal hasn't been bad enough, Alex Rodriguez needs to have surgery on his hip and will be out at least 10 weeks. At least. So the question is, is A-Rod now a second round pick? A third? And furthermore, who now goes first in the draft?

"Oh Red Sox fans..."

There are obviously a bunch of factors to consider. Will he be back in the beginning of May or will his rehab take longer? Will the power be there immediately or will it take until July for him to start racking up home runs? Will he risk stealing bases and re-injuring the hip? (He had 18 thefts last season.) That's two of the five categories right there. That leaves average, runs batted in and hits. Now you also need to look at the position he plays. By my accounts, David Wright, Aramis Ramirez, Kevin Youkilis and Evan Longoria should all be taken before Rodriguez. You could even consider Chipper Jones just because of the great batting average. After that however, third base really drops off although a lot of "experts" are high on that kid Chris Davis from the Rangers. So putting all of that together, there's no real reason to take A-Rod in the first two rounds.

But here's the X-factor. What if Alex Rodriguez has been on steroids this whole time? AND, will he try to take HGH to help in his recovery and risk getting caught? For the rest of his career, he will be under a microscope. Now this isn't the time or the place to get into how he was essentially thrown under the bus by having his name released from supposed confidential tests. (Are we ever going to see those other 103 names?) But if you believe him when he said he stopped taking the banned substances before he played for the Yankees, well, you're just a glass full kinda guy/gal. You might be the person to take him with your second pick. Me? I'm shying away from him altogether. Plus he bangs Madonna. Ewwwww.

Finally, you have to factor in the draft process. If you've taken an outfielder and a starting pitcher already, and it's late in the third round? You might be more inclined to take a chance. Also, are you in a snake draft or auction league? Luckily for us in the fantasy baseball world, this announcement came early enough to prepare a strategy.

So now that he's not first pick/round material, who looks like a solid choice? The consensus choice for the top five, in no particular order are David Wright, Jose Reyes, Hanley Ramirez, Albert Pujols and Ryan Braun. All upper echelon talents to be sure. At first glance you could make a case for any one of them especially since only two of them play the same position. But take a closer look at those names. Now, remember how Bud Selig is big ol' pile of suckage. All but one of those guys has their March calenders filled with a little something extra besides spring training.

The World Baseball Classic.

Take a quick look at the stats of major league players from three years ago that participated in the WBC. Notice something a little odd? Maybe at bats are down? Hmmm? Power numbers not looking so hot?

Albert Pujols was the only one of the top five candidates to say nope.com (copyright Kevin and Bean) this year. And his stats won't suffer because of it. Sure Hanley Ramirez is 25 years old, but come early August, he's going to be feeling more fatigued than Pujols. Yeah, Wright, Braun and Reyes are all young too, but for me, Pujols is the answer. No one has been more consistent than the Cardinals first basemen. Plus, you'd have to think that by the time you pick again, Miguel Cabrera, Mark Teixeira and possibly Lance Berkman will all be off the board.

Or don't listen to me. Whatever. Join a league with me and see what happens. Oh, and since this is a blog, I'm obligated by the Blogging Governing Body to mention Chris Brown and Rihanna. Oh Breezy...

UPDATE: It's now being reported that A-Rod also has a torn labrum and if he gets surgery, he'll be out for four months. So yeah...10th round?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Gene Wojciechowski Owes Me Royalties

He took my idea but added a "professional" and "creative" twist to it, making it "interesting". Those to me are cheap tactics. However, it doesn't matter how you say it, calling Jay Cutler out on being a pansy ass bitch is always a good read. Link so you're not so lost.

Let me just quote one of the better pieces of sports journalism in ages...

"And this from Cutler's agent, James "Bus" Cook, who told The Associated Press, "Nobody's going to call the [New York] Giants and ask for Eli [Manning]. Nobody's calling the [Indianapolis] Colts asking about Peyton [Manning]. [Tom] Brady? Come on. So, why call Denver and ask about Jay? And if they do call, why not say, 'That's not for discussion. What else do you want?'"

Why call Denver and ask about Cutler? Because the Broncos haven't reached the playoffs since the 2005 season. Because Cutler's record as a starter is 17-20. Because new Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels just happened to coach Cassel last season. And Cassel's team finished 11-5, including a 41-7 victory against Cutler's Broncos in October.

Nobody is calling the Giants and the Colts about the Manning brothers because the Manning brothers actually reach the postseason and have won Super Bowls. And here's guessing somebody called the Patriots asking whether Brady might be available."


Suck it Jay Cutler, you double chinned crybaby egomaniac papeldouching child toucher.




Q: Who wins in a fight between Jay Cutler and Philip Rivers?






A: Everyone. And Peyton Manning.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Leon Update

We all know the Celtics have hit some rocky waters as of late. They are currently one game behind Cleveland for the top spot in the Eastern Conference and have gone 3 - 3 in their last six (Thanks AdamMan) games with losses to Detroit and the Clippers.

But Leon has certainly done an admirable job filling in for the injured Kevin Garnett. Combine KG's absence with the additions and thus adjustments of Mikki Moore and Starbury, there are certainly questions surrounding the defending champs. The Show has continued to come off the bench with first Scalabrine and now Big Baby starting, but has responded with 9.8 points, 6.2 rebounds, and a 50% FG percentage all in 22 minutes of play-since Feb. 22nd.

"Look how awesome this guy is!"

I've maintained since last season that Leon could put up these kinds of numbers if he only got the playing time. Now granted, the well talked about free throw shooting problems have kept those point totals a little lower than they should be. But it takes KG and Brian Scalabrine's busted noggin' to get Leon some burn. The Celtics have 21 regular season games left to overtake the Cavs and Lakers for home court advantage throughout the playoffs. Some Boston fans that I have talked to don't seem terribly optimistic, but the hope is that Garnett can come back fresh and instill fear into his teammates they way only he can. Leon's minutes will inevitably go back down but hopefully Doc keeps him in mind come playoff time.

Oh, and yeah, Dwyane Wade has been playing out of his freaking mind pretty much all year, but these past couple of weeks have been RIDICULOUS. He's set new career highs in points (50) assists (16) and steals (7) since February 22nd not to mention his 41-9-7-7 game last night against Lebron. Unfortunately, Miami lost three of those games. Just when it seems like the Heat can slip past the Hawks and into the 4th spot in the East, they blow it. But, yeah, totally had to mention Wade.




Don't hate on the band-aid.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Do NOT mess with Jim Calhoun. Ever.

This has nothing to do with the article except to
capture Coach Calhoun in all his badass glory.

It's a good time to be a UConn fan. The men are #1 again, the women are #1 and pretty much unbeatable. Donald Brown is poised to be the biggest NFL star out of UConn since Dan Orlovsky. But what's best about being a UConn fan is the badass-ness of Jim Calhoun.

You've probably already seen the interview. Ken Krayeske, a "freelance writer" (dude with a blog who takes himself too seriously), started taking shots about his $1.6 million salary. Keep in mind, this guy is a UConn student (and soon to be most shunned person in UConn history).

If you haven't seen the video, click here.

Jim Calhoun pretty much claims the title of "Most Justified Blowup by a Coach at a Press Conference". $1.6 million? That's a small cost for having one of the best known faces in college basketball bringing in millions of dollars to your school (and not just the athletic department, the entire university population).

Let's face it, being a Connecticut native, I know there's not a whole lot going on in the state worth shitting yourself over. For all that we totally suck at in Connecticut, we have one source of pride. College basketball. Sort've college football now that UConn's a decent team there, but they're still a ways away from being a powerhouse.

Anyway, the point is: Ken Krayeske is a douchebag. He to me is like Jonathan Papelbon, the San Diego Chargers, and the guy that does the Sham-Wow commercials rolled into one. He's a Green Party activist who's more busy trying to make a name for himself than tackling real issues. Case in point: Jim Calhoun makes $1.6 million. Connecticut is almost a billion in the red. That means that Jim Calhoun is approximately .0016% of the state's budget problem. Shouldn't the lawmakers who are now asking for Calhoun to be reprimanded for his comments be reprimanding themselves for being a good part of why our state is in this mess?

However, since our readership is approximately...5, I don't really need to take the high road and argue the logical issues behind Krayeske's various arguments (I took the time to read his blog and now I hate him even more). Therefore, I will leave you with this picture of Krayeske.

See what acting like a dick gets you, Ken Krayeske? That's right,
your face on a completely unknown blog with the word "sphincter"
written on it. I hope you've learned your lesson.

Jay Cutler is a whiny bitch.


In not-so breaking news, Jay Cutler can't really accept the fact that the Denver Broncos and new head coach Josh McDaniels may have been looking for, perhaps, a better option at quarterback. Since talks of a possible trade involving teams such as Tampa Bay, Detroit, and of course, New England, Jay Cutler has been giving the Broncos the silent treatment. The Denver front office has attempted to reach out and talk to Cutler about this, but Cutler's response was "Talk to the hand cause the face don't wanna listen".

I'm sure whenever Jay Cutler decides to talk to the Broncos again, the conversation will go something like this.

Jay Cutler: I can't believe you guys tried to trade me. Are you aware I'm stronger, faster, and smarter than John Elway?

Denver Broncos: You're really not.

JC: I'm like rubber, you're like glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and...

DB: Look kid, you showed us a lot of potential, and I know you really feel like you earned the starting role a while back, but beating the ghost of Jake Plummer isn't saying a whole lot.

JC: But I threw for the third highest amount of yards in the league last season. I'm a machine! I'm a beast! I'm a beast machine!

DB: Yeah, but you were also second only to Brett Favre in interceptions. And Brett Favre is pretty much handed the distinction of having the most interceptions before the season even begins. Do you know that Brett Favre actually had to intentionally throw four interceptions last season just because he was worried you'd take his title?

Jay Cutler sticks his fingers inside his ears and begins humming obnoxiously loud.

JC: I'm not listening...

DB: Also, you have absolutely no comprehension of field leadership. That's why we were looking at Matt Cassel.

JC: But HE'S A SYSTEM QUARTERBACK!

DB: At least he IS a quarterback. You're just a double chinned cry baby who creates his own hype because no one else will anymore. Also, that SYSTEM that you mentioned, I'm not sure if you're aware, but this guy here, Josh McDaniels...well he's sort of partly responsible for that system. And the thing about McDaniels' system, is that it doesn't involve collapsing midway through the season in the worst division in football. The Chargers and referees literally HANDED you the season, and you still blew it.

JC: I don't have two chins!

DB: Yes, you do. Listen, I know you don't understand that football is a business, but here's the thing. We, as an organization, want to have the best group of guys out there to help us win a Super Bowl. The people of Denver already hate you, and you're not very good at your job. If we're going to vouch for you and say that you're our guy even though you've already established you're more interested in your own stats than winning football games, you need to stop bitching about this and move in.

JC: Make me!

DB: We don't make overrated tools with far too big an ego for their own good, we trade them.